Friends 20 years down the road

"Who would you want to surround yourself with in 20 years?....What friends would you be close to in 10?"

These were the questions that were proposed to me tonight over dinner with my wise and patient boyfriend. The topic of friends...my friends...has been popular for the past several months and I'm sure said boyfriend is possibly getting tired of hearing my rants, raves, tears, and laughs and yet, he is always so willing to offer advice and comfort. I'd admit that this is a topic that I haven't really gone into much intimate detail about, mainly because it leads me to a place where my vulnerability sky-rockets. literally. I like to think that my friendships with people are always great, that I always have a certain number of friends that I surround myself with, and that these friendships are never rocky. I have painfully been learning that this is not the case at all....but more importantly, the true friends/friendships are beginning to emerge with the imprint of Christ all over them.

I would say my biggest fear is not fire (which might be my second), spiders, storms, scary movies/men, or any other normal phobias...my biggest fear, the thing tha makes me stress to the max, cry countless tears, and ultimately challenges my relationship with Christ is my fear of unacceptance. The fear of rejection and the fear of disapproval. This fear, this worry is most evident in my friendships. I constantly worry if I've done something to upset a friend and often times find myself asking these friends that same question. I worry about what they think and what they say. I also worry about receiving a friendship back that I pour into. I am extremely vulnerable when it comes to friendships and don't always invest fully until I think that investment will be returned. Many times, I ask myself...why aren't they responding to my message, returning a call...are they ignoring me? Have I done something to upset them? This vulnerability is an open door for the devil to attack with doubts and fears and in the past, has been crippling to the point of almost having some friendships suffer. I am so thankful for the redeeming grace of Christ that so many of my friends have illustrated and pray with so much thanksgiving that the Lord gives us such an example of mercy and overwhelming love to live by.

A part from that vulnerability, God has also brought to my attention those friends that most definitely will be there if I ever need them...and sometimes even when I don't. These friends trust in Him completely, they seek to imitate Him in their life and they truly hope to exemplify Him in the way they speak and handle their relationships and friendships. While they aren't perfect, but in many ways they have perfectly affected my life and I will be forever grateful and appreciative of them for the impact they have made. I love each and every one of these girls and they'll never know how much I truly respect and appreciate each one's dedication to the Lord and our friendship...

Each time I think about these friends by name, I am immediately reminded of the verse

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. (proverbs 27:17)

These girls, life long friendships, each in their own special way, challenge me to be the Godly woman I am being molded into and I will forever be indebted to the work they are doing in my life and on my heart. These women of God truly exemplify what God calls women to be in one way or another and I only hope that I am the same kind of friend to them as they have been to me. I love you girls and I thank you for our friendship and what you mean to me. I pray for you always, thanking God everytime I remember you.

"I myself will help you," declares the Lord. Isaiah 41:14

this is an exerpt from the devotional book i've been doing since the start of 2010. it is a colletion of devotions by charles spurgeon who was called Prince of Preachers and it most known for his book "Look Unto Me." jim reimann took spurgeon's writings and turned them into a year of spurgeon and has done the same with other writers' works such as Oswald Chambers. i am learning alot as reimann and spurgeon both challenge me to really think about my relationship with my Father. i thought the following post was very relevant and obviously a blessing. This is for all believers......

From the pen of Charles Spurgeon:

This morning may each of us hear the Lord Jesus speak to us, saying, "'I myself will help you.' It's a small thing for Me, as your God, to help you in your time of need, especially when you consider what I've done for you already. What! Not help you? I bought you with My blood. What! Not help you? I died for you, and if I've already done what is greater, will I now not do what is less? Help you? This is the very least I will ever do for you, for I have done much more for you in the past and will do much more for you in the future.

"Before the world began I chose you and made the covenant for you. I set My glory aside and became a man for you and then I laid down My life for you. If I did all this, surely I will help you now. In helping you now, however, I'm only giving you what I've already bought for you. If you needed a thousand times more help, I would give it to you, for you require very little compared with what I am ready to give.

"Your need seems great to you, but it is nothing for me to bestow on you. Help you? Fear not! If you had a mere ant at the door of your granary asking for help, it wouldn't bankrupt you to give him a handful of your wheat. And yet, in comparison, you are not even a tiny insect when you stand at the door of My all-sufficiency. 'I myself will help you.'"

i'm reminded in this devotion, that not only am I a child of God, but a co-heir with Christ (romans 8:17)...such a powerful statement because it brings to me so much more than I could ever imagine. i mean God grants my requests, things I ask of Him and yet i continuously desire more. it also reminds me of how selfish i am. always seeking more, never truly grateful for what i have. spurgeon also reminds of how many "limits" we attempt to place on God. in this devotionals, he is saying "what else can i help you with that i haven't already done? look at all i've done for you, and yet even that doesn't compare to what i could do for you!" that is so comforting to know in this world of no assurance and no promise.....

"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" (Romans 8:32)

Snow 2010

All but 2 counties are under a snow/winter weather advisery until tomorrow. I may be the only one that is not excited about it. For the past few weeks, we have had sunny and semi-warm temperatures and I've been spoiled. I love the sunshine, temperatures above 60, and bright blue skies. LOVE IT! So this white stuff has ade me somewhat of a snow-grinch. PLUS, it is causing so many delays and cancellations for tomorrow that we might not be able to have worship for Collide tomorrow night, pushing back our Kick-off AGAIN!!! I've been so ready for this for weeks now but it seems like the Lord has other plans!

Here are a few pictures of the winter storm of 2010:

Our new building!!!!

My mom took this of our house back home...it looks like a postcard!!

Words really can hurt.

Today, I got a chance to think. A lot. This morning was difficult (which is normal for Tuesday/Thursdays) just because of how rushed I am in getting to and from my classes on two seperate campuses. Despite all of this, I have started to become accustom to the rush but for some reason the devil worked extra hard to get me frustrated and included a conversation with someone who I love and respect and cherish rather deeply. It's amazing how just like God can use people to shine light in our lives and how quickly the devil can use people to push darkness into the light. Anyways, the conversation between me and this person quickly escalated to an unhealthy level and some very hurtful things were said. And I realized as I had the rest of the day to think about it and even cry some over it, that this person could have actually meant the hurtful things he/she said. You know, sometimes you say things out of spite when you're angry...but for some reason I truly feel that this person meant them. And that broke my heart. Because my relationship with this person goes much deeper than that...i mean they are basically family. And to realize or think that they would actually mean the hurtful things they said. woah. i might need to take a second here.....

I started realizing, through this, how important God's commands are. You know like have no other idols before Me and honor your father and mother. but what about the one command that He gives throughout. the one that challenges us and often is required by us and that is, above all else, to do His will. To do things for God's glory only. Even if that means going against what would honor your father and mother. "Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me" (matt. 10:37)

thankfully and prayerfully, it seems that this relationship has been restored. I'm praying that God will work to soften both of our hearts towards each other and that one day we'll have the opportunity about these feelings. Feelings of inadquacies and of never being able to reach expectations is such a barrier to a true relationship in the freedom God created and meant for Godly relationships to share.

Promises Unkept

I had a split second just now where i thought about all the promises I have made on here, particularly to anybody that reads my ramblings. A lot of the promises have to do with writings I've meant to post, pictures I said I would show, and just an overall promise to be more committed to my blog. I realized that especially after new years, I promise to do a lot of things differently each year. Somehow (and not suprisingly) those promises go unkept and I often find myself stressing ever so slightly that I'm not upholding my end of the deal that I made with myself (sounds a little twisted actually....)

Yet, it hit me tonight. There is one promise that never goes unkept. It actually has been answered for thousands of years. And that one promise is the only promise in the entire universe that every believing person can count on. In fact, they can bet their life on it.

That promise would be the one God made for us.
The one that sent His only Son, Jesus, to His death.
The one that has reached hundreds of generations.
The one that covered the millions of sins that are from the past, present, and future.
That promise was promised to never fail and to never be forgotten.
The one that will never let what we do alter its effect.
The one that has never been broken.

What peace comes from that? How much joy do you (or I) receive from knowing that it's a promise we never have to worry about? I realized tonight how grateful I am that there is a God who has promised us one promise that will never go away. How reassuring it is to have at least one person to put faith in His promises, when so many others in the world (including my own) can be so easily torn!?! Such sweet, reassuring peace. And praise Him for the sacrifice that was required of such a promise.

and the beauty of it all is that not only does God promise this ONE promise but throughout His word, He offers to those who believe, little tidbits of promises that are the result and fallout of that sacrifical promise He made so long ago.

"I have said these things to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world, you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." .john 16:33.

"No man shall be able to stand before you all the days of your life. Just as I with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you or forsake you." .joshua 1:5.

"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and He will not be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, He will also provide the way of escape that you may be able to endure it." .1 corinthinas 10:13.

"Behold, I am with you and will keep you wherever you go, and will bring you back to this land. For I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you." .genesis 28:15.

Under construction

I am sorry (well not really) to say that I will be taking a leave of absence starting last Monday from my blog. You see I'm currently underway with a huge project in my life and in the lives of many others in Greenville. Starting in September of 2009, Collide, the ministry I work for, has been working to secure, rent, and renovate a permanent location for offices, small group meetings, missions, and most importantly worship. All of this has been a slow, grueling, life changing, lesson learning process, especially for those of us on staff and even more importantly for 2 of us that plan on spending the rest of our lives doing ministry (not counting our current minister who has already dedicated his life to this)...aka Chris and I.

And all of the sweat, blood, tears, cuts, bruised emotions, etc will come to fruition this Sunday. I hope that by then I'll have the chance to form a post for you so that you all can see where we started, a blank canvas, to now, minus a few walls, light fixtures, and carpet. I also hope to provide you with visual aid from the entire process because it really does show off God's handiwork, both His and His people's.

Anyways, to explain my leave of absence....I have so much to do in preparation for our celebration in our brand new building this Sunday. Not only is it crunch time in regards to renovations and final touches but we've got a lot on the ministry side to advertise, print, and put together to be ready for the grand opening and ribbon cutting on Sunday. (plus I feel bad not posting every day so this makes me feel a little better...even if it doesn't do anything for ya'll)

But what you can do is Pray. Pray for our hearts and attitudes the rest of the week. Pray for the ones who will be dedicated to see this building be complete. Pray for the students who walk through the door to hopefully will be a beautiful new stage in their life, one that many may not know of yet. Pray for our staff, leadership team, and volunteers that we won't look at the work that has to be done or the work that has been done as a way to glorify our names, or even to glorify Collide's name. Pray that we, all of us, as a body of believers, that all the praise, glory, and honor will exalt His name.

and with that, I leave you with a little surprise :) probably the best thing that happened today....our sign for out front! I didn't think any object this inanimate could be so beautiful!

spiritually tough day.

that's the best way i can describe today.
i sit here 30 minutes into tomorrow and i'm exhausted. my eyes, ears, and head hurt.
and yet i'm reminded by everyone's twitter that people in Haiti still continue to hurt from the devastation...what do i have to complain about?

but i do want to share what's been on my heart for about a month that all came to fruition tonight. sparing the long, dramatic details and a few names who may or may not read this blog...regardless those details are irrelevant and i wouldn't want to share them with malicious intent. so better it all just remain anonymous.

all you need to know is that the Lord is faithful. And He calls all of His children (that's us, believer) to follow His call and speak truth. Truth that isn't judgemental (despite what other's say or think) but a Truth that keeps other believers accountable. A Truth that was spoken more loudly than ever the day He hung on a cross. Despite all that, there is one Truth that I have decided to commit to be exemplified in EVERYTHING...

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

romans 12:2

i know that i want to look different. i want to be different. i do not want to be, sound, act, think, or react like this world. before, i didn't realize how much that might set me apart from those around me, even my friends and sometimes even those in ministry with me. this is the hard part. realizing that i have to stand apart from those who believe. but what i do know is that even though Jesus spent time with the beggars, the prostitutes...the sinners, He stood apart from them. HE WAS NOT OF THIS WORLD....He was sent down to be among sinners, not to be like sinners...to be different than sinners.

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." - C.S. Lewis

and if I truly want to glorify God in EVERYTHING that i do....i must follow this truth. i must obey this conviction that lays on my heart despite the results. knowing that this is what i've been called to do is reassurance that the Lord will protect me, His child, His believer.

Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither.

C. S. Lewis

"Don't love the world's ways. Don't love the world's goods. Love of the world squeezes out love for the Father. Practically everything that goes on in the world—wanting your own way, wanting everything for yourself, wanting to appear important—has nothing to do with the Father. It just isolates you from him. The world and all its wanting, wanting, wanting is on the way out—but whoever does what God wants is set for eternity." [1 john 2:15-17]

Lord, put Your protective hands over the nation of Haiti

I'm sure you all have heard of the devastation that is continuing to occur in Haiti after an earthquake hit the island, yesterday. Not only did one earthquake hit that registered at a 7.0 but since then about 10-12 tremors have continued to occur on into today. My heart just cries out for the people living in the poorest country in the Sounthern Hemisphere. Not only did they not have a lot, but now they have to deal with a very grueling and expensive process in the aftermath. Both World Vision and the Red Cross are working to send relief workers, aid, basic materials and first aid kits to the survivors.

Chris and I were talking today and just couldn't stop thinking about the small business loans raised for 200 women in Haiti while we were at Passion. We wondered what God's purpose was in this earthquake after something so wonderful as the loans that were generously donated. We realize that God's plan blesses those who believe in Him but we just couldn't stop the sadness we felt for these people. We also remembered the verse that describes the earth trembling as a sound of rejoicing. Psalms 96:9 says Worship the LORD in the splendor of His holiness; tremble before Him, all the earth.

Despite the tragedy that occurs from something so big as an earthquake, the Bible also reminds us that it's all in worship, the earth trembles to bring glory to the Lord's name. How do we justify that to non-Christians? How do we explain the glory of God to those who don't believe? How do we explain that a God that loves them so much that He'd send His only Son to die on the cross would cause such a thing as this to happen? Only the Lord can go before us, and pursue the hearts of the people in this nation. We can only pray that His glory and His light will be seen among the darkness.

See the links below for more information:

http://www.worldvision.org/news.nsf/news/haiti-earthquake-201001-enews?Open&lpos=lft_img_haitiearthquake

http://www.worldvision.org/content.nsf/sponsor/sponsor-haiti

http://www.voxy.co.nz/national/world-vision-launches-public-appeal-amid-fears-children-haiti/5/35325

Here's how we can help:

Donate through World Vision

Pray for those who have lost lives. Pray for those who are suffering and injured. Pray for those who can't find family members. Pray for those who no longer have homes or businesses. Pray for those that were already homeless. Pray for the leaders of Haiti. Pray for the relief workers who are traveling to provide aid. Pray for our nation and others as we attempt to reach out to so many hurting people. Pray for the missionaries that are already serving in the country, pray that they will know how to reach out and share God's love despite what they may have lost.

Pray that God will keep them and protect them throughout the aftermath. Pray that through all of this that He will be glorified, despite the doubts and frustrations after such a tragedy.

refiner's fire

Lord, I know that several days I asked you to remind me consistently and often painfully that everything I do should be for Your glory and for Your name. I now realize, more than ever, You always answer our prayers, and sometimes they really do hurt. I realized today what ministry is. I realized that it isn't about who I should please, or who's feelings I shouldn't hurt. I realied that it isn't about lifting myself up or anyone else's name up before Yours. I realized that the only way I will be satisfied in ministry is if I'm not worried about bringing satisfaction to me or to anyone else, the only person who deserves satisfaction, and infinitely more than that, is You. I realized that ultimately the only One I am supposed to answer to is You. I realized that when things go against You or aren't glorifying You, then it is my job to stand up to those things because in my heart of hearts, I realize (and with Your faithful nudge) that it isn't about them or what they say or what they do, that ultimately it's ONLY about You.

I am also realizing that during this, You are refining me. You are molding me and making me into the woman of God You demand of me, the person You are calling me to be. This isn't a woman that is shaped by the world or even by what other Christians say I should look like. This isn't a woman that savors the words of others but that she trembles at words that are Yours. I also realize that this refinement, this molding, this maturation does not occur pain free. You didn't have Your Son come to this world with peace but with a sword and I understand that this means the same to me. I am realizing that despite the brokenness and the disbelief You are shaping me into a servant of Yours, and one that serves nothing or no one else.

and Lord, most of all, I praise You. I praise You for this season, for this refinement, for this knowledge, and growth, and unexpected wisdom, and for this pain, and for this love. I praise You above all things for these opportunities in which I can lift up Your name, point my words and actions to You, give You credit for all things, and bring glory to Your name.

"...but those who stay courageously loyal to their God will take a strong stand. Those who keep their heads on straight will teach the crowds right from wrong by their example. They'll be put to severe testing for a season: some killed, some burned, some exiled, some robbed. When the testing is intense, they'll get some help, but not much. Many of the helpers will be halfhearted at best. The testing will refine, cleanse, and purify those who keep their heads on straight and stay true, for there is still more to come." daniel 11:32-34

"resolutions"....i don't even like that word

a lot has happened over the first weeks of 2010 and needless to say I am already tired. I got back to my apartment Friday afternoon and have not stopped even to breathe until today. I actually decided to have church in my room this morning because I was behind on the one "resolution" I am determined to maintain this year and the next and the next and the next.... and that is spending time in God's Word. After being at PASSION 2010 (post to come soon, promise!) I am overcome with a hunger and desire for God's Word. As Francis Chan described it, I want to be trembling when I read words that OUR GOD spoke and the only way to do this is by being in it every day and as often as possible...hence my time this morning.

I also have several "resolutions" (I use that term loosely because these are the type that I do not want to fall privy to the typical "last until MLK day" resolutions) that center on making me feel better as a person. Things like eating a fruit and vegetable each day, working out consistently (hah), generiousity and kindness, more me-time, etc. As I was writing these down on a card as a reminder to place by my bed, I realized I was missing the one thing that hit me in the head at passion. And that's what this post is supposed to be about....

GLORY to GOD, FOREVER
Glorifying God. Bringing Glory to His Name. In every action, every word, every thought, every relationship, every situation, in EVERYTHING, I want to shout glory to and for His name. There is not ONE thing that I want to do more than to bring Glory and Praise to His name. I pray so earnestly that everything I do is just that...and I have seen a major change in myself. In my actions, and in my words, and in my relationships, and in situations I've been in. I am more apt to be peaceful, I am more apt to speak the truth when God nudges my heart, and I have been more apt to go directly to God when I question something. I am fervently praying that this sticks. That it isn't just a fad or a short-term action that results from an experience. That it isn't just some re-dedication to a relationship that is ultimately eternal and never-ending. The only thing I want to care about and love doing is bringing Glory to God's name. I know and feel in my heart that everything else will fall into place if this is what I reflect.

lord, i pray that in the coming weeks, i don't lose this. i pray that i am consistently reminded of this ultimate command you have for your believers. lord, protect me from anything that might deter or distract me from bringing you glory and if it does, remind me abruptly and painfully. lord, i pray that i do not do this out of pride for myself or even pride for you...that it is only about you, and nothing else. thank you for being you, an egotistical, loving, omnipotent God that offers a glorious eternity for dedicated believers sent to their temporary home.